Notice the warning signs
At a party or in the barracks
- Someone very drunk is being led to a room or a car.
- Someone keeps pushing drinks on one person.
- A person looks uncomfortable, frozen, or is trying to leave.
- Someone is separated from their friends.
In everyday life
- Someone won't take no for an answer, in person or by text.
- A senior person is singling out a junior one.
- Jokes about assault, or bragging about "getting" someone.
- Intimate photos being passed around.
Four ways to step in
Pick whatever fits the situation and keeps you safe. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911.
- Direct. Speak up. "Hey, she's had too much. We're getting her home." "That's not cool. Knock it off."
- Distract. Interrupt without confrontation. Spill a drink, ask for directions, say "Your ride's here," or pull the person aside to "help you with something."
- Delegate. Get someone else involved: their friends, a bartender, an RA, the duty NCO, security, or police.
- Delay. If you couldn't act in the moment, check in afterward. "I saw what happened. Are you okay? Do you want help?"
Stepping in to stop an assault is never "getting someone in trouble." The person causing harm is responsible for the consequences.
Change the culture around you
- Don't laugh along with jokes about assault. Silence reads as agreement.
- Don't forward, download, or share intimate images. Tell the sender to stop, and report the image to the platform and, where appropriate, to leadership or police. Note where and when it was posted without saving the image. If it may show someone under 18, report it to NCMEC's CyberTipline.
- Make "We arrived together, we leave together" normal in your group.
- If you outrank someone, remember that your example sets the tone.
If a friend tells you it happened
How you respond matters a lot. You don't need the perfect words.
Do
- Believe them. "I believe you. I'm glad you told me."
- Listen. Let them share as much or as little as they want.
- Say it's not their fault. Even if they were drinking or knew the person.
- Let them choose. Offer options and support whatever they decide.
- Share resources. Point them to the survivor page or the help lines below.
- Check in later. A text a few days on means a lot.
Don't
- Ask "Why didn't you…?" or question details.
- Pressure them to report, or not to report.
- Confront the person who did it or post about it.
- Tell others without their permission, unless someone's safety is at immediate risk.
- Make it about your anger or feelings in the moment.
Service members: know your role
If you're a peer, you can listen and help them reach a SARC, victim advocate, or chaplain, who can talk confidentially. If you're in their chain of command, you may have reporting duties, so say that up front and connect them to a SARC. See for leaders.
Take care of yourself too
Hearing about an assault, or witnessing one, can be hard. It's okay to need support. The hotlines below help friends and family as well as survivors.
Sources
Last updated October 20, 2026. The four ways to step in are adapted from widely used bystander-intervention training. Educational adaptation; no legal or clinical review is claimed.